Coping with anxiety in school transitions

The new school year is in full swing here in Russell County. Busses are running, school zones are in effect, families are settling into their new routines and schedules. Excitement is in the air over new school supplies, teachers and classrooms, and reuniting with friends. However, for many kids, the start of a new school year can also bring worry, nervous stomachs, and tears at drop off. School anxiety is more common than many realize and as parents and caregivers, it is important to know what to look for, how to know that something deeper might be going on, and how to support our kiddos through these transitions. 

Spotting the signs of  Anxiety in Kids

For kids, anxiety doesn’t always show up as a child saying “I am feeling worried”. That would be too easy, right? Often anxiety hides behind behaviors and physical complaints. Knowing what to look for is half the battle when it comes to supporting your child in this transition. 

Anxiety shows up in different ways:

Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and difficulty sleeping are common complaints.

Changes in mood– irritability, frequent tears, withdrawing from friends are also indicators something is amiss. 

Avoidance behaviors such as refusing to go to school, clinging at drop-off, meltdowns while trying to get ready in the morning, dragging their feet at each small task before school. These things can be frustrating for parents, but the behaviors are an attempt to communicate. (All behavior is communication– more on this in another post)

Perfectionism such as getting overly upset over small mistakes or assignments could also point to a struggle with school anxiety. 

“What if’s” Frequent “what if”questions about safety, friends, or performance also may indicate your child is struggling with some anxiety over this transition. 

If you notice a pattern of these symptoms, it may be your child’s way of communicating “I’m anxious about this transition and need a little extra support” 

Transitions are hard for adults, they are even more difficult for kids. 

Think about it. Remember a time when you were placed in a new situation, maybe it was a new job. As an adult, you were probably excited. New opportunities, maybe a raise, leaving behind some things that you might not have loved in exchange for some new freedom or benefits. You probably were nervous too.

Will I like my new boss? Will my new boss like me? What if I don’t pick up the new responsibilities quick enough and I let my boss down? Will my coworkers be easy to get along with? What if I forget to do something and have to face that disappointment? 

Sure, maybe you as an adult can have these thoughts and then combat them quickly, they are benign enough. But to a child, similar questions can feel enormous and overwhelming. 

Will I make friends? What if the teacher doesn’t like me? What if my desk is next to the tissue box and I have to listen to the kid with allergies blow his nose constantly, gross! What if I get lost or forget what to do? 

These certainly may seem small to a well adjusted adult, but can be huge sources of anxiety to kids. 

How to support your child well

Supporting your child through school anxiety might seem intimidating to you, especially if you don’t remember experiencing it as a child or maybe you did, but your caregiver didn’t do a great job supporting you in it. Here are some really practical tips for ways you can help your kiddo.

1. Validate their feelings.

Instead of brushing off their worries with a “You’ll be fine,” try saying: “I know it feels scary to start something new. A lot of kids feel nervous about school.” Validation helps kids feel understood. 

2. Create a routine

Predictability lowers anxiety. This routine can begin after school the day before. Helping your child prepare for the next day by ensuring homework is completed and put back in their backpack, preparing lunch boxes the night before, helping your child lay out clothes for the next day, incorporating some kind of connection ritual (some ideas here) for the evening or the next morning. Really just doing anything you can to make things as predictable as possible can really decrease those anxieties. And as a benefit, most of these things will help the morning go smoother, therefore less opportunities for meltdowns over missing shoes and forgotten homework. 

3. Create an anchor

Let your child carry a small comfort object in their backpack. Something like a note from you or a small fidget can provide an “anchor” for them and remind them that they are not alone.

I know of a mom and daughter who, in the car pool line, draw a little heart (or smiley face) on each others’ hand that the child can look at and be reminded their parent is thinking about them and loves them while they are separated. 

Nearly everyone remembers the book The Kissing Hand, where little Chester raccoon was nervous about being away from Mama so Mama Raccoon gave Chester kisses in the palm of his hand so that he could hold his hand up to his cheek and feel her love there with him anytime he felt lonely or scared.  

4. Teach calming tools

Show your child how to take deep breathes, stretch, or use a calming phrase when they feel nervous. Practicing this at home or during times when they do not actually “need” the tools makes it easier for them to remember to use them when they do. 

5. Keep goodbye short and positive

Long, drawn-out goodbyes can increase anxiety. Try a consistent (predictability again!), upbeat ritual: hug, high-five, “see you after school!” I like to call this “the confident drop off”. When parents or caregivers take a long time saying goodbye, wanting lots and lots of hugs and cuddles and seem to not want to let the child go, it can actually increase the child’s insecurity and anxiety over separation. “If mom doesn’t want to let me go, maybe I shouldn’t want to go either.” This is a hard one, especially for mamas who have grown accustomed to having their little with them all the time.

I remember really struggling with this one when my oldest was just starting to be taken to the church nursery. If he cried at all, I gave cuddle after cuddle until I decided to just keep him with me. This only extended the difficulty transition period. (don’t get me wrong… I’ve struggled with this for each child… it’s one of those, “I know what I need to do, but I don’t wanna!!”) 

6. Stay connected after school

Make space for your child to talk about their day. Instead of the age old, “How was school?” “fine”, try:

• “What was the best part of your day?”
• “Was there anything tricky or tough today?”
• “Who did you play with at recess?”
• “What is something fun/funny that happened today?”

7. Partner with teachers

If anxiety is ongoing, reach out to your child’s teacher or school counselor. They can help your child feel supported during the day.

When to seek extra help

If your child’s anxiety doesn’t ease after the first few weeks, or if it starts to impact sleep, eating, or friendships, it may be time to seek additional support. Child-focused counseling can provide tools for both kids and parents to navigate anxiety in healthy ways.

Final Encouragement

Transitions are challenging, but they also provide opportunities for growth. With patience, understanding, and support, kids can learn that they are capable of handling big feelings and new situations. And as they grow, each small victory builds resilience for the next transition.

If your child is struggling with school anxiety, you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Joyfully Rooted Counseling, I work with kids and families to find tools that bring calm, confidence, and connection. Reach out to learn more.