Let’s Talk About Attachment

If you’ve spent any time in therapy or scrolling mental health content online, you’ve probably come across the word attachment. It gets mentioned a lot — but what does it actually mean? And why should you care?

The short version: attachment is about connection.
It’s the way we bond with other people, starting with our earliest caregivers, and it shapes how we navigate relationships for the rest of our lives.

Where Does Attachment Start?

From the moment we’re born, we’re wired for connection. Babies don’t survive on their own, so we instinctively seek out closeness — physically and emotionally — with the people meant to care for us.

When those caregivers are emotionally available, consistent, and nurturing, we learn the world is a safe place. We feel seen, soothed, and secure.

But when care is unpredictable, unavailable, or even harmful, it can leave us feeling unsure about whether people can be trusted, whether we’re worthy of love, or whether it’s safer to stay distant.

And those early patterns?
They don’t just stay in childhood. They follow us into friendships, dating, marriage, parenting, work, and even how we experience our faith and spirituality.

The Basics: 4 Attachment Styles

Most attachment research breaks it down into four common patterns. You might see yourself in one, or a mix of a few:

1. Secure Attachment
   You’re comfortable with closeness and independence. You trust others, ask for help when you need it, and feel generally okay in relationships.
2. Anxious Attachment
   You crave connection but often worry people will leave. You might overthink texts, fear rejection, or feel extra sensitive to signs of disconnection.
3. Avoidant Attachment
   You value independence, sometimes to the point of pushing people away. Trusting others feels risky, so it might feel easier to rely only on yourself.
4. Disorganized Attachment
   You long for closeness but also fear it. Relationships can feel confusing or unsafe, and you might struggle to know what you need or how to trust.

Important note:

Your attachment style is not a personality flaw or fixed label. It’s a strategy you learned to survive based on what was happening around you at the time. And the really good news? Your attachment style can shift and heal!

Why Should You Care About Attachment?

Because it affects so much more than we realize.

Attachment shapes:

• How easily you open up to others
• How you handle conflict or emotional conversations
• How you parent or respond to your kids’ emotions
• How you show up in friendships or romantic relationships
• How safe you feel in your faith community or with God
• Whether you can lean on people for support when life gets hard

If you’ve ever found yourself repeating frustrating relationship patterns or wondering why do I always react like this?, chances are attachment has something to do with it.

Can Attachment Wounds Heal?

Absolutely.

Even if you didn’t get the connection you needed early on, you can still experience healing through safe, consistent, supportive relationships later in life. Therapists call this earned secure attachment — and it’s one of the most hopeful, beautiful parts of being human.

This can happen through:

• Therapy (like EMDR, trauma-informed care, or TBRI for families)
• Healthy friendships
• Faith communities that offer safety, not shame
• Loving, reliable partners
• Learning to nurture yourself the way you deserved all along

Healing attachment wounds takes time and gentleness, but it’s possible. And you don’t have to do it alone.

One Last Thing

Your story matters. Your need for connection is valid. And if relationships have felt complicated or painful in the past, you’re not broken — you’re human.

If you’ve been curious about how your early experiences might be impacting your life now, or if you’re ready to start creating new patterns, I’d love to walk alongside you.

It’s never too late for healing.

Reach out if you’re ready to start healing your attachment style.